Help! My Marriage is Boring! 7 Tips on How to Break the Boredom

You’ve had the same conversation (if you can call it that) with your partner 18 thousand times, or so it seems. You’ve been reduced to small talk and pecks on the cheek as you come and go. You’ve been actively Googling “marriage counseling near me in Simi Valley,” but you’re just not sure how to describe the issue. On the surface, things seem fine, but you feel stuck in a rut and bored. Is that enough of a reason to seek counseling, you wonder? The answer is YES! 

At Simi Psychological Group, our experienced couples counselors understand how marriage, that sacred union between two starry-eyed souls full of big dreams of happily-ever-after, can gradually fade into a monotonous, “please pass the salt” and “did you take out the garbage?” routine. 

Here, we talk about some of the common issues within a marriage, and what you can do to rekindle the flame and move from boring to blossoming once again.

1. Communicate

First things first. Have you talked to your partner about how you’re feeling? Communication is the cornerstone of a healthy relationship. Sit down with your partner and have an open, honest discussion about how you both feel. 

Acknowledge that things have become stagnant and express your desire to change that. Your partner can’t help address a problem they don’t know exists. Perhaps your partner is feeling the same way, perhaps not, but in either case it’s a common problem in relationships, and one that can be solved if it’s not ignored. 

2. Identify the Issues

Be honest with yourself about what might be going on. Has something changed within you? How long have you felt this way? What else is going on in your life or your partner’s life that might be impacting your connection with one another? 

It’s easy to get wrapped up in work/professional lives or get so bogged down with the responsibilities of kids and family, and then forget to pay attention to the relationship. 

two men sitting on a counter with cups of coffee

Life throws a lot of curveballs, and stress comes from many directions. It’s important to hone in on these issues in order to understand how best to manage them. 

Remember, you’re a team, and tackling challenges together strengthens your bond.

For more about how work can impact relationships, check out our blog 8 Signs Your Unhappiness with Work is Destroying Your Marriage

3. Re-Invest in Your Partner

Are you and your partner taking one another for granted? What first attracted you to your partner? What first attracted your partner to you? It’s sometimes easy to forget the early days when you were both on your best behavior and actively invested in one another. Think about the little things that make a big difference for both of you and make an effort to re-engage in those little things. It only takes one person to break a pattern, so don’t be afraid to be that one. 

Surprise your partner with spontaneous gestures – whether it’s a love note tucked into their lunchbox or planning a surprise weekend getaway to a place you’ve never been before. 

Focus your energy on how you can make your partner’s life easier, how you can make them feel loved, and how you can show them they matter. Do things for your partner without an agenda and without keeping “score.”  If you find that they are not responding in kind, talk to them about your own needs, and don’t be afraid to ask for specific things that help you feel most loved.

4. Shake it Up

Routine can be the enemy of excitement, so break it whenever possible. Embrace spontaneity and let it infuse freshness into your relationship. Put some music on and have a dance party with your partner, or play some romantic music and slow dance. Get out the good dishes and have dinner by candlelight. 

a person and person riding bicycles on a beach

When was the last time you and your partner tried something new together? 

Exploring new activities together can also inject excitement into your marriage.

Take up a hobby or sport that neither of you has tried before. 

Whether it’s salsa dancing, painting classes, or even rock climbing, the experience of learning something new together can reignite the spark of adventure and discovery.

Date each other again. No, not the occasional night out that might have become routine, but something new. Plan a picnic. Get dressed up. Buy flowers for your partner or leave a love note in anticipation of your date.

The key is to make these moments special, carving out time dedicated solely to each other amidst the chaos of daily life.

5. Rekindle the Flame

It’s also essential to nurture intimacy in your marriage. Physical affection is crucial, so don’t underestimate the power of a simple hug or kiss. Additionally, prioritize quality time together without distractions – put away your phones and truly connect with each other. 

a couple of women holding hands

Engage in deep conversations, reminisce about your favorite memories, and share your dreams for the future.

Read more about how to rekindle that flame in our blog I’m Ready to Spice up my Sex Life in my Marriage: Here’s How. 

Kids getting in the way of intimacy? Check out our blog How Do We Get Our Sex Life Back After Having Kids? 

6. Laugh

Never underestimate the power of laughter. Look for the humor in everyday situations and share a good laugh together. Watch a funny movie, attend a comedy show, or reminisce about the silly moments you’ve shared throughout your relationship. 

Laughter not only relieves stress but also fosters a sense of closeness and joy.

7. Seek Professional Help

Of course, challenges will arise along the way. Disagreements are inevitable in any relationship, but it’s how you handle them that matters. Getting some outside support through marriage counseling is a helpful resource. Be proactive. You don’t have to be on the brink of break-up to engage in marital counseling near you

At Simi Psychological Group, our therapists have specific training and experience in relationships and offer marriage counseling to help you and your partner live your best life together. 

Marriage is embarked upon with love and commitment, but even with the best of intentions it can sometimes lose its luster over time. If you find yourself feeling trapped in the mundane routines of everyday life with your partner, don’t wait. Communicate with each other to identify the issues, re-invest in one another, shake things up a bit, put some energy into romance, laugh together, and seek professional support to reconnect. Remember, a fulfilling marriage is a journey, not a destination. 

In addition to marriage therapy, Simi Psychological Group offers professional therapeutic services for you and your whole family, including the treatment of depression, anxiety, and trauma, among other mental health stressors. Contact us today at (805) 842-1994 for a free consultation.