Help! How Do We Get Our Sex Life After Having Kids?

Congratulations! Whether you are the proud parents of a recent bundle of joy, or have a few little wee-ones toddling around already, that magical and miraculous experience we call parenthood is not for the faint of heart.

If you are looking for Marriage Counseling Simi Valley, then reach out to our experts at Simi Psychological Group. Our experienced marriage counselors understand that, while certainly a blessing, having and raising children can also bring about significant changes to a couple’s sex life.

The sleepless nights, endless diaper changes, and the overall adjustment to parenthood can leave partners feeling exhausted and disconnected. Maintaining a healthy and satisfying sex life after having children, however, is not only possible but crucial for the well-being of the relationship.

Here we will explore practical strategies to reignite the flame of intimacy and get that sex life back on track after having kids.

➔ Open Communication

The foundation of any successful relationship, especially when it comes to intimacy, is open and honest communication within an emotionally safe space. Both partners need to feel free to express their feelings, concerns, and desires without judgment. Discussing the changes in your sex life post-children may involve some vulnerable conversations, but is essential to understanding each other’s perspectives and finding common ground. Keeping the conversations free from blame or criticism will help ensure the creation of a safe space, where you and your partner can communicate openly.

➔ Set Realistic Expectations

Let’s face it, no one feels especially sexy after 2 am feedings and diaper duty while wearing a spit-up-stained sweatshirt that smells of curdled milk. And that’s ok. Adjusting your expectations of both yourself and your partner is crucial when it comes to your sex life after kids. Understand that your intimate moments may not be as spontaneous or frequent as they were before parenthood.

Instead of striving for the same level of intimacy, focus on quality over quantity.

Embrace the changes as part of a natural ebb and flow in your sex life, recognizing that it may take time to adjust to your new roles as parents.

➔ Prioritize Quality Time Together

A couple sitting on a couch talking to each other

Finding time for each other amidst the chaos of parenting can be challenging, but it’s vital for maintaining a strong connection. Schedule regular date nights or alone time, even if it’s just a quiet evening at home after the kids are asleep.

Quality time builds emotional intimacy, which can positively impact your physical relationship.

Our experienced Marriage and Family Therapists offer marriage counseling Simi Valley to help couples re-connect with one another and prioritize their quality time together.

➔ Be Patient with Your Bodies

Pregnancy and childbirth bring significant physical changes to a woman’s body, and both partners need to be patient and understanding. Focus on appreciating the beauty of your bodies and the incredible journey you’ve undertaken together. If physical concerns persist, consider seeking advice from healthcare professionals or specialists who can provide guidance on how to address specific issues.

➔ Share Parenting Responsibilities

Nothing squashes one’s sexual desire like resentment. Balancing parenting responsibilities is crucial for both partners to feel supported and less overwhelmed. Establish a fair division of duties, so neither partner feels burdened by the demands of childcare. When both parents contribute equally, it creates an environment that fosters closeness and allows for shared moments of relaxation and connection.

Two man holding a baby in a park

➔ Rediscover Intimacy Gradually

Intimacy doesn’t always have to begin in the bedroom. Rediscover the joy of physical touch through non-sexual affectionate gestures, like cuddling, holding hands, or giving each other massages. Gradually reintroduce physical intimacy into your relationship, understanding that it might take time to transition from the purely nurturing aspect of parenthood to the sensual and romantic.

For more information on how to reignite the spark in your relationship, check out our blog, 5 tips to Reignite the Sparks as parents of young children.

➔ Experiment and Keep Things Spicy

Monotony can be a passion killer, so don’t be afraid to try some new things to spice it up a bit. Safely experiment with one another in a way that brings excitement and variety to your relationship. This could include trying new positions, incorporating romantic fantasies, or even introducing adult toys. Open-mindedness and a sense of adventure within the context of an emotionally safe relationship can reignite the spark in your sex life.

➔ Make Self-Care a Priority

Parenting can be all-consuming, leaving little time for self-care. However, taking care of your individual well-being is crucial for maintaining a healthy sex life. Ensure you get adequate rest, engage in activities you enjoy, and prioritize self-care.

When both partners feel fulfilled individually, it enhances the overall connection in the relationship.

➔ Seek Professional Help if Needed

If challenges persist in revitalizing your sex life, seeking the guidance of a professional, such as a sex therapist or counselor, can be immensely beneficial. Experienced professionals, such as our marriage counselors at Simi Psychological Group, can help you explore the root causes of the disconnection, and address the issues that may be getting in the way of a mutually satisfying sex life.

A man and woman sitting on a couch holding hands

Issues such as communication, processing emotions related to being a parent, body image concerns, or division of labor, are among the most common. In marriage counseling, you and your partner will be provided with strategies to overcome obstacles, fostering a more satisfying and fulfilling intimate connection.

Interested in marriage counseling in Simi Valley but not sure how to start? Check out our blog 5 Tips When Searching for Marriage Counseling in Simi Valley to get you started.

Navigating the changes in your sex life after having children requires patience, understanding, and a proactive approach. Open communication, realistic expectations, shared responsibilities, and a commitment to rediscovering intimacy are essential components of the journey. By prioritizing your relationship, embracing change, and nurturing both emotional and physical connections, you can not only get your sex life back on track but also strengthen the bond between you and your partner in this new chapter of parenthood.

If you and your partner are struggling to get back into the groove, the professionals at Simi Psychological Group can help. We offer marriage counseling in Simi Valley, as well as therapy for depression, anxiety, and trauma, online therapy, and group counseling. Contact us at 805-842-1994 today for more information on how we can support you and your loved ones throughout all phases of life.