In your relationship, you have been feeling a lack of intimacy lately. Things have been cold and blunt between the two of you. You don’t feel that warm love anymore. You both may get snappy or irritable. It’s not a nice feeling and you want change.
Intimacy issues can leave a relationship feeling dried out. There’s no desire to touch each other, listen to each other, or anything. Routines feel consistent and boring. Resentment lingers in the air.
When’s the last time you experienced true intimacy? Not only through sex, but also just plain loving each other. Could it have been the children who got in the way? New jobs? When they developed anxiety or depression?
You know your relationship has the potential to bounce back. It’s not as foreign as you think to experience a lack of intimacy. Although it’s uncomfortable, you’re not alone. Intimacy is defined as things shared such as love, physical affection, and closeness with another person.
It’s important to identify what may be causing the intimacy issues in order to fix them. It will take some deep conversations to pinpoint it out. Working with a couples therapist is a great way to mediate the conversation.
Therapy for couples in Simi Valley, Ca can help you and your partner work on intimacy issues.
What may be some reasons that you are experiencing these intimacy issues?
What causes intimacy issues: Lack of Communication
It may be that you and your partner have not been communicating all that great. Perhaps you are starting to expect them to know how you’re feeling. In return, you feel angry when they can’t read your mind to know how you’re feeling.
A lack of communication may be present in the relationship. It feels exhausting to fully explain yourself, and anger tends to come up. When we are feeling frustrated or angry, it’s less likely we can better formulate our thoughts.
Aggression may come out due to built up tension between the two of you. It may turn into blaming each other. Raising your voices. Or, not wanting to listen to what the other person has to say.
Passive aggressive behavior may be present as well. This can look like saying one thing and meaning another. Making digs at each other to hurt each other’s feelings. Or giving them the silent treatment and withholding your thoughts.
The ideal way to communicate would be to do the following: Using ‘I’ statements. An example of this would be: “I’m feeling frustrated because you are late again”. This is less accusatory than “You’re always late to meeting me”. Talking in calm, slow voices helps facilitate the conversation as well.
Leave out any digs or insults in the conversation. Listen openly and speak honestly about your side of view. Rather than saying, “You don’t know what happened”. You can reply “I was late because I couldn’t find parking,” and continue to explain reasonably what happened. Things can feel tense off the bat, but stick to explaining your story.
Check in with each other throughout the day. This can look like sending a quick text to see how things are going. Giving a brief call during lunch breaks to check in. Sending a gif or emoji. This way, you can avoid built up stress and work to talk about it in the moment.
In person couples therapy in Simi Valley, Ca, and Thousand Oaks, Ca, allows for you to grow in understanding each other.
What causes intimacy issues: Resentment towards one another
Think if there was a certain event that left you both feeling resentment towards each other. Did someone in the relationship cheat, or do inappropriate things? This may be very painful and hurtful on the other partner.
There may be mistrust in the relationship now due to this. And it may be a main topic in arguments.When the idea of sex comes up, you or your partner may feel resentment all over again.
These emotions can be difficult to navigate and deal with. Grudges may develop and persist on both sides. This can leave you feeling more frustrated and stuck.
Resentment towards one person for betraying or doing something inappropriate is a tough hump to get over. In times of resentment, it’s important to consult with a relationships therapist so that both partners feel their concerns are heard.
Couples counseling for intimacy issues in Simi Valley, Ca, helps mediate difficult conversations between you and your partner.
What causes intimacy issues: Stress
Stress can take a toll on our mental health, leaving us exhausted. We may want to spend time with our partner, but we are overwhelmed by other things. Maybe work has tired you out today and you feel that you can’t focus on anything. Maybe you are dealing with financial situations that leave you feeling stuck. Insecurities could leave us feeling not good enough.
Stress can come from a number of things and affect us without our knowledge. We may not notice if we are snappy or short tempered to our partner. And when we are questioned about it, it turns into an argument.
Practicing self care is an essential part of a healthy routine. It’s important to take time for yourself to recuperate. This helps avoid letting the stress build up until it’s taken out on others. Being vulnerable and sharing the stress we experience can feel difficult. However, it’s important to be able to foster that trust.
You and your partner don’t need to continue feeling this way. Reach out to Simi Psychological Group today for in person marriage counseling.
Online couples counseling allows for you to be on different devices in different areas from the same link.
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At our therapy practice in Simi Valley, Ca we offer Child therapy and family counseling, Teen therapy, Anxiety Treatment, Depression Therapy, Marriage Counseling, and Neuropsychological Testing