What to Do After A Breakup

Breakups are hard to get through. They may even feel impossible. You once were so happy with someone. And now, you are separated. You may be feeling very lost and empty. Maybe even depressed or anxious. You want to know what to do after a break up.

Regardless of what caused the break up, you deserve support right now. You may be feeling incredibly alone. Hurt. Confused. Broken. A lot of negative feelings going on for you right now. It may not feel fair what’s currently happening.

girl fresh out of relationship needing in person depression therapy to cope with break up in Thousand Oaks, ca, 91362

Breakups may happen due to fading out. Being with each other too much, getting too irritated or fed up with each other. Maybe someone cheated or did something appropriate. Your partner may have disrespected you or people you love. Whatever the reason, it’s okay to feel hurt.

It can feel confusing to navigate a break up. Do I keep talking to them? Should I still hangout with them? But I’m worried they’ll start talking to someone else..Should I just block them? Remove our pictures from the phone? Burn their love letters in the fireplace?

There are ways to cope with a break up in a healthy, positive way. It can be difficult to find the silver lining during this time. Just take everything slowly for yourself. Don’t rush into meeting new people. Don’t hurry to go out and socialize at the bar. 

Take time to give yourself lots and lots of love. Time. Respect. Healing. You may feel strong emotions for a few weeks after the break up. Seeing their name or face may sting deeply. It can feel foreign. You just knew this person, and now you are strangers.

So, what do you do after a break up? Although it feels like we won’t survive without them – we will. And, we will flourish without them. Time heals all, be patient. Here are some healthy ways to cope with the hardships you are currently facing.

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What to Do After A Breakup: Give yourself time and space

It can be really hard to envision life without your partner. You want to remember them by the good parts. The fun, easy times you had together. Going out to get food or hangout will feel lonely now. You won’t have them by your side to accompany you.

It’s important to give yourself time and space. Time to grieve. Time to cry. You seriously need to let yourself cry and let it all out. You may cry for a few days straight. Or you will cry for a bit and realize the silver lining in it all. 

feeling sad and upset due to recent breakup, needing in person depression therapy in Simi Valley, ca, 93063

Time moves slowly but in fact, heals everything. Everyday is a new day. You get to choose how you want to live it. You can take it slow, wear comfortable clothes. Watch movies all day. Eat comfort food. Take your time to process this break up.

Give yourself some space as well. Don’t hang around others unless you want to. Don’t let people come over unless you want them to. Be very intune with yourself and your own needs. Space may also include not jumping onto dating apps yet. 

It’s tempting to put yourself out there and show the world what it’s working with. You want to show that confidence and that you don’t need your ex. However, it may hurt you more in the long run. Don’t worry about impressing or making someone jealous.

Keep things private and personal. Move on when you are ready in your soul. Give yourself time to really analyze yourself. And what you’re looking for in a partner. Give some time to your own needs and what would make you happy.

What are some things you are interested in? Could it be reading some new book? Journaling in your downtime? Trying out new activities such as roller skating or biking? Explore the new you that blossoms from this break up. You may have closeted up parts of you that didn’t use to fit.

Think about some positive coping mechanisms you can use for yourself. Developing a morning routine to go for a walk, have coffee/tea. Exercise, stretch. Go for a jog or sit and meditate. You know what makes you feel good – so go out and do that!

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What to Do After A Breakup: Be with your support system

Whenever it’s right for you, surround yourself with your support system. Family members, friends, online friends. Whomever you feel comfortable being vulnerable with. They are here for you to help you in this grieving time.

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Spend time with people who make you feel confident. Who makes you feel understood. You don’t feel invisible or ignored around them. You feel cherished and comfortable with them. People who make you laugh or smile more. People who only want to see you at your best.

It can feel empty at first without your person. Of course you want them there with you. Enjoying the time together. However, you know things are different. 

You will miss the romance. The intimacy. The feeling of them being by your side. It won’t feel as attractive to hang around friends and family at first. You may not want to be around anyone else but them.

However, your support system has been there for you all along. Gave you a shoulder to cry on. A place to vent to. You know your support system cares for you so much. They only want to see you thriving and happy. It could be that they have disdain for your partner. 

Take some time to understand and appreciate your support system. Whether it be one close friend or a group of friends. They are looking out for your best interest at hand. True support systems will give you their honest opinions. 

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What to Do After A Breakup: Leave the past in the past

It’s tempting to remember that moment several months ago when they were sweet to you. Maybe they did something no one else would’ve done for you. You may be struggling with conflicting feelings towards the break up. Learn how to love yourself in the meanwhile.

“Well, it really wasn’t that bad between the two of us. We used to get along really well.” Yeah, used to. The honeymoon phase in relationships can last anywhere from 3-9 months. During this time, you and your partner are on your best behavior. You don’t want anger to slip through the cracks. You don’t want to make a mistake.

After you two get comfortable with each other, you may start to lose that sense of respect for each other. It’s difficult to leave the good times in the past. And force yourself to focus on the present.

man lying on bed and relaxing

Even though in the past they were just angels, they hurt you very badly recently. Our mind wants to remember the nice parts of them. Not the unpleasant ones. But it’s important to hold those moments accountable. You deserve them to be respectful throughout the whole relationship.

You most likely have half of your camera roll dedicated to your relationships. Gifts, knick knacks, or memorabilia around your room. You may have framed pictures. Inside jokes. Moments you cherish forever. It’s hard to just get rid of that. 

But it will be even harder for you to ignore what’s going on in the present. Make sure to leave past behaviors in the past. You may have had amazing date nights or adventures in the past. However, you know that those situations will not occur now.

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What to Do After A Breakup: Be kind to yourself

We may feel terrible about ourselves after a break up. Insecurities will form and we may have low self esteem. Even if we know the reason for breaking up, we will still question ourselves. Unreasonable things may be questioned, such as our appearance and looks.

Rather than shame ourselves for insecurities, we can use them to uplift ourselves. If we want to bounce back, we can take action to make a plan. Exercising at a gym or on our own time is a great way to promote positivity. Not only do we feel better moving around and strengthening our body. But we may also increase our self confidence.

young man wearing white shirt is smiling

That being said, you do not need to exercise to increase self confidence. It is a great way to relieve stress and tensions throughout the day. However, you may experience negative self talk on a regular basis. Telling yourself things like “I will never find someone else again”. “I may very well die alone now.” “No one will ever love me for who I am.”

Unfortunately, these negative thoughts can increase our feelings of negativity towards ourselves. We may give into them, and truly believe them. This can put a delay in our healing.

Learn how to conquer your negative self-talk today. You deserve to talk to yourself with nothing but kindness and understanding. Maybe you feel a lack of love for yourself. Therefore, learn how to love yourself today.

You don’t have to go through your break up alone. Seeking help with a therapist provides you with your number 1 advocate. Your greatest supporter. All they want to do is see you persevere through this difficult time in your life. They want to uplift you; recognize your strengths. And help you recognize them as well. 

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