Negative self talk is hard to recognize as it can occur day by day, consistently with no breaks. It can just feel so normal and like a habit that you don’t realize you’re bullying yourself. We are more likely to talk negatively to ourselves than positively. With this busy world around us, we do not take the necessary time to reward ourselves but rather spend too much time criticizing ourselves.

When we continue to not recognize these thoughts in our heads, it affects our lives in a number of ways. You are tearing yourself down and preventing yourself from seeing your true potential. Not only does this put us under a constant cloud of sadness and shame, but it does not allow us to be happy and love ourselves. 

man in white tshirt holding his face with hands while lying on bed

Perhaps your negative self talk plays out like this: 

You use social media on a daily basis to keep up with the busy world around you. You follow multiple people who portray having a perfect lifestyle; the looks, the wealth, the friends, and more. You view yourself as less than that, claiming that you will never be as “good” as this person on your screen. Maybe you just had your first kid, which is so exciting, yet it left a weight gain for you. You scroll through posts of skinny, tanned and toned models through Instagram and feel like you are some ugly, fat creature compared to them. You tell yourself, “wow, look at those girls. They are so beautiful, and I am so fat.” You feel insecure about your looks, even though you just went through an amazing journey to bear your beautiful child, and your significant other has not been addressing your insecurities lately. 

You criticize yourself beyond your looks, now. Your thoughts seem to get more creative, finding more ways to bring you down and make you feel bad about yourself. It becomes hard to recognize the simple tasks you do as good and important. It becomes hard to cut yourself some slack on simple mistakes, blaming yourself the second you mess up, and thinking you cannot take this anymore. Your thoughts become more violent and mean, telling you that you are not only unattractive, but not a good enough mom or spouse, a waste of time and space, a good-for-nothing person..when this is not true AT ALL. 

Eventually you’re gonna wind up in a place where this will impact your relationships, self image, and you struggle with finding the light in all this darkness. 

This will emotionally drain you and make you feel like nothing can help pull you out of this. The truth is, lots of people struggle with negative self talk. You are not alone in this. Whether the issue is similar to the scenario above, or it entails completely different details, negative self-talk is easy to get sucked in to. It is easier to agree with this negative self talk than to counter it and stand up for yourself, especially when you are feeling low and sad. It’s normal to have these thoughts about yourself, but it is not OK to give into them, believe them, and reinforce their power over you. 

Many people across all ages, genders, cultures, shapes and sizes struggle with negative self talk and focus on the aspects of themselves they’d like to change. However, if we can learn to tackle the negative self talk from the start, we can incorporate positive, healthy thoughts to achieve the same goal. If you were being berated over and over for something, you wouldn’t feel very motivated to finish it, would you?

laughing teens holding each other

The kinder and more understanding we are to ourselves, the better chance that we can make some real healthy changes.

When we recognize that the negative self talk is simply self talk; that it is not the truth, and that we have the potential to rewire our thought process, it is entirely possible to develop a happier outlook on life. 

The biggest downside of not putting in the effort to overcome this problem is that you will live with these negative thoughts. They do not simply go away on their own, and require action on your part to counter. 

During therapy in Simi Valley, Ca we provide the support and guidance you need to conquer your negative thoughts. 

At the very least, you find yourself struggling to even identify the negative self-talk, and just believe that what you’re thinking is a true aspect of yourself. You let it continue to lower your self-esteem, which further negatively affects your relationships as you are overcome with insecurities and anxieties. You feel like you cannot do anything but hold a pity party for yourself. 

Although you may not see this as a huge deal, it is important to be able to love yourself and recognize areas of yourself that are struggling. You have the potential to flip every negative self talk around into positive self care. In anxiety therapy in Simi Valley, Ca we recognize that anxieties about yourself, big or small, are huge opportunities for growth and change. When we choose to reach out for help, we are creating the possibility for real change and results within ourselves. You have the ability to stand up for yourself, although you may not feel that way yet.

Our team of therapist and psychologist in Simi Valley, Ca work with our clients to help them be kinder to themselves, love themselves for who they are, and have the courage to talk back to their internal bully.

Yes, it is true that you may be feeling overdramatic for wanting to address these feelings. After they pass, you might think that it is not worth going to therapy for. However, the key to achieving true self-trust and self-belief lies within the process. Making these changes can seem scary and difficult, but they are necessary if you want to feel good about yourself. You deserve to be completely satisfied and happy with the person you are, and negative self talk chips away at you day by day to make sure that does not happen. 

woman in white sweater with head down

Our Simi Valley therapists help you use self talk in a way that empowers you to tackle anxiety. 


You don’t even notice how much negative self-talk is impacting your life. The thoughts can be so recurrent and consistent, that it is hard to take a step back and think, hey, I am bullying myself right now. They flow through your mind so fast, that it can be hard to catch them. It is important to be able to recognize the difference between healthy criticism and negative self talk. 

A good identifier would be if the thoughts make you feel sad, angry, confused, or anxious. Try to identify what just happened that made you feel negatively about yourself. Did you see a post, read bad news, reflect on an incident in your life that you have not yet brought to the surface? What was your initial reaction to this trigger? This could range from having a broken relationship with yourself, others, not reaching out for help, or not practicing self care. It is hard, yet important to be able to catch the negative thought red-handed in the act.

To be able to identify that you just called yourself a loser, ugly, no good, etc., and that you do not agree with it! You want to tap into that vulnerable, soft side of yourself that provides comfort and understanding; acting as an advocate for yourself when appropriate. Of course no one is perfect and we all make mistakes, but you don’t need to be so harsh on yourself.

In anxiety therapy near Thousand Oaks, Ca we work with our clients on being kinder to themselves. We know that when you are kind to yourself you are more likely to live a fulfilled life. 

Be able to recognize the thought, acknowledge why it just came up, and work to reverse it. Acknowledging the emotions you feel while hearing negative self talk is also a good indicator for when something isn’t right. Stop sulking and lift your head high, you deserve better and you better know it!

Online therapy in Ventura County provides a safe and private therapy environment from the comfort of your home. 

sad woman looking out window with the blinds down


Think of how you would react if a loved one made a simple mistake and then bullied themselves badly for it. You would probably respond with, “Whoa! Don’t be so hard on yourself!”. However, that instinctual response is lacking when it comes to you. You don’t know how to be that kind to yourself, do you? The ability to realize that the negative self-talk is a separate reality from how you truly feel is key. Once you have conquered the ability to instantaneously recognize the thoughts as they come and go, it’s time for the second step: talk back to them! 

Everytime you notice yourself making a mistake, leading to negative self-talk, take that as an opportunity to find ways to stand up for yourself and justify your actions. Question if that is really the reality you want to live in. The critical voice inside your head is internalized based on outside experiences and learning, such as others’ criticism towards you, expectations, or standards. The voice does not want to be noticed, and would rather remain under the surface where you cannot fight it; inevitably gaining more power to control your mental state. 

It enjoys seeing you suffer as it contributes more and more unnecessary stress. It is up to you to declare that it is more than enough, and that you do not deserve this kind of treatment. 

Acknowledge this voice as something separate from yourself, such as calling it “The Bully”. The goal is to recognize that the voice is not really speaking to you, but is just an internalized thought that has gone haywire. 

Believe in yourself that you have the courage and security to stand up for yourself. As the negative self talk consistently gives you new reasons to feel down on yourself, counter it back with new reasons why that is false, and new reasons why you should really love yourself or forgive yourself instead. 

happy teen in white top with earphones

It is time to regain your power back. Standing up for yourself can look like this: you experience a negative thought, and instantly respond with “I don’t want to hear that about myself” or “I truly don’t believe that”. You have the power to choose how you want to view yourself, starting right now. All it takes is a little confidence in yourself to start something great. Let “The Bully” know that it is entirely false, and today, you are choosing to be kinder to yourself. 

Therapy in Simi Valley, Ca offering Anxiety Therapy to help you conquer negative self talk! 


By practicing daily affirmations that you want to feel worthy, beautiful, and smart, whatever the case may be, you can actually rewire your thought process to fully believe in yourself and block out negative self-talk. 

It is important to give yourself credit for things you do right and are happy with, or just small things in general that bring you joy. That may be something small or big, like completing a small task for the day, or completing a big project up to your standards in the time length given. It is important to be an ally for yourself and envision yourself as who you want to be, and not consistently drag yourself down with unrealistic expectations or self-hatred. 

For example, if your bully voice tells you, “you’re not good enough, you will never be good enough!”, stand up for yourself by saying, “oh, but I am good enough! And I will strive to be the best person I can be!”. 

woman wearing black top sitting under the sun and looking away

Not only does this make you feel better and more confident, but it truly does allow yourself to believe it!

Our brain works in mysterious ways, picking up cues in the environment around us to match what we believe in ourselves. If you are constantly thinking about negative things, you are likely to find more negative things to think about. If you are practicing self care by loving yourself, forgiving yourself, and accepting yourself, you will find more things to uplift yourself. 

Achieving power of your thoughts can be a process of its own, having ups and downs while you try to work with yourself. Just remember that you have the potential and power to make big changes in your life. You absolutely can conquer your negative self talk, by simply acknowledging the thought, tracing it back to the root problem, and re-addressing it in a more positive and caring way. 

When the burden of negative self talk feels like a constant issue, and you know you need to make a change, you can find us at Simi Psychological Group in Simi Valley, CA. We are prepared to help you overcome this. When you seek anxiety therapy from us, we provide for you the necessary tools to help with the overwhelming thoughts. You will feel more confident, comfortable, and at peace. We will help you tolerate your anxiety and discomforts, and we are all but a click or phone call away. 

Consider reading more of our blogs on anxiety here including How Can I Manage Stress Eating?, How To Have More Balance In Your Life? And How to Decrease Social Anxiety At Work

Now Offering Online Therapy in Los Angeles and Online Counseling Ventura County 

At our therapy practice in Simi Valley, Ca we offer Child therapy and family counseling, Teen therapy, Anxiety Treatment, Depression Therapy, Marriage Counseling, and Neuropsychological Testing