You and your partner have seemingly been fighting non stop over many things. Whether it’s bickering over something small or arguing over something big, you can’t seem to stop. Tension continues to build between you, and you feel like you’re walking on ice.
What happened between the two of you? You used to feel so serene and carefree, not worried that you would say the wrong thing. Now, everything turns into a debate. It seems that you and your partner are doing tit for tat, constantly trying to bring each other down.
This can be very stressful and detrimental to your relationship. You will experience feeling burned out and exhaustion from constantly having to stand up for yourself or advocate about something. Maybe it feels like you and your partner can never just hear each other out – you always have to jump to the defense.
Although some arguing is normal in a relationship, if it is consistent, there is something deeper going on underneath. Maybe you are experiencing issues in sex or intimacy, so read up about what causes intimacy issues linked here!
Regardless of the context of the fight, you know that you and your partner are just wasting time. You are supposed to be navigating life together, being each other’s biggest cheerleaders! However now, it feels like you are simply arch nemesis.
You don’t want to separate, and want to continue trying to salvage your relationship. Considering couples therapy is a great idea to find support in having a third party hear both of you out. It may feel impossible for you to understand your partner’s concerns and vice versa, therefore have someone unrelated do it. Click here to learn how to get the most out of couples counseling!
Couples therapy in Simi Valley, Ca, is here to help for when you are unsure about starting couples counseling.
How to Stop Fighting With Your Partner: Pick your battles
Picking your battles will help you save your time and energy. This means being selective in what argument or topic you decide to engage in. By simply not engaging in battle, you save yourself the mental strain of going through a potentially pointless argument.
Not every fight is important or detrimental to your relationship. Sometimes, you or your partner may just be feeling insecure with each other and pick a fight over something random. Maybe they try to insinuate that you are potentially emailing your coworker inappropriately. With no clear reason or evidence to make that accusation.
Ask them, and yourself, is that really something worth fighting over? Just take a minute to lay out a hypothetical situation and outcome of fighting over this. Will you be right about me emailing my coworker inappropriately? No. Will anything beneficial or good come out of this argument? Probably not.
Sometimes, arguments can stem from a serious lack of communication between the two of you. Click here to read about how to better communicate with your partner. We are all guilty of being petty over something rather than expressing ourselves with words. However, that is unhealthy and will not advance or clear up your insecurities. It will just make the relationship more draining for the both of you.
When we develop the skills and tools to effectively communicate, we can pick and choose our own battles within ourselves. Maybe you have been denying that your partner is potentially cheating on you, but the voices in your head keep pressing you to think otherwise. This is a good sign to start couples counseling to ensure that you are addressing your own needs in a healthy manner.
Couples counseling in Simi Valley, Ca, help both you and your partner understand each other’s insecurities in a healthy manner.
How to Stop Fighting With Your Partner: Understand each other’s triggers
It’s important that you and your partner understand and respect each other’s triggers. In a relationship, a trigger could be from past behavior of an ex, insecurities, or inner problems they are still needing to work on within themselves.
Triggers can interfere with relationships if they are not discussed or communicated effectively. It’s important to be able to communicate about your boundaries or what upsets you to ensure that you and your partner are on the same page.
Maybe a trigger of yours is feeling jealous over them talking to someone else due to past history of your ex being inappropriate with others. Click here to read about what to do when you feel jealous in your relationship.
If you and your partner are on the same page about both your guys’ triggers, it will allow for less conflict and more understanding. It’s important to be able to be vulnerable and share things with each other. This can feel difficult at first, but it’s good to put all cards on the table.
Click here to learn how to install clear boundaries with your partner to avoid a toxic relationship. In a toxic relationship, your partner may use your triggers against you to put you down or hurt your feelings.
Couples counseling in Simi Valley, Ca, can provide a safe space for you to talk about your triggers with your partner.
How to Stop Fighting With Your Partner: Do some self reflection
Try to do some self reflection to see what part you play in consistent fights with your partner. Do you shut them down when they try to open up about their feelings? Do you get dismissive or defensive when they bring something up? Or could it be the other way around?
We as humans always have room to continue to grow. Being able to recognize areas within yourself that could use growth is fundamental and shows you are really wanting to make something work. If you deny any parts of your involvement, it could make it harder to stop fighting.
At the end of the day, fights may be inevitable. Something will rub us the wrong way, and we may take it out on our partner or vice versa. Being able to self reflect to understand how you contribute to fights is big. It will allow for more openness and judgment free conversation on the topic.
Click here to read about how to reconnect after an argument! You know that you want to enjoy being in your relationship, and that things can get rocky sometimes. When both you and your partner are prepared to slow it down and understand, fights don’t have to be draining or exhausting.
You have the ability to make real change within your relationship! Remember to communicate effectively, install proper boundaries, and take time to self reflect when conflict arises.
Marriage counseling in Simi Valley, Ca, can offer support to both you and your partner.
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