When to Start Couples Counseling

Have things been feeling rocky in your relationship or marriage lately? You’re starting to feel concerned about the way it’s been functioning. You start to wonder when to start couples counseling. 

What happened in the relationship? How did things get so bad? It feels like things have been going downhill quickly. You miss the relationship you used to have with them. After so much has happened, you’re unsure what to do next.

It’s important to analyze whether or not the relationship is resilient. If the relationship is proven to be toxic over and over, there may be nothing left to do. Some cases, separating is the only option. Make sure you are in a two-person relationship. Where both partners are wanting to improve themselves. 

Dedicating time and commitment to couples counseling is the utmost important goal. It will take a lot of patience. Hearing each other’s stories and sharing each other’s feelings may feel weird. 

Relationship therapists are prepared to advocate for both of your needs. They will be your third party with no bias. Your therapist will help guide you and your partner to find middle ground.

Couples counseling isn’t to shame anyone. It’s not meant to berate you or your partner. It’s a space where you can feel comfortable and vulnerable. Chances are, you may be running thin on patience with your partner. 

Couples counseling near Simi Valley, Ca, provides you and your partner with a safe space to talk about issues in the relationship.

Here are some signs that you and your partner could benefit from starting couples counseling. 

Consistent miscommunication

Miscommunication can play out in a variety of ways. We can feel jealous and act out. Sad and act out. We can feel upset and act out. Essentially, there is no direct communication about it.

This leaves us beating around the bush, not coming to a direct conclusion. Sometimes, stress may build up in you and it just explodes. When we are unable to properly communicate our feelings and emotions, we hurt people. And we hurt ourselves. 

Miscommunication can look like responding differently than how you feel. If you miss them, you may lash out accusing them of cheating. If you are upset that they didn’t put the dishes away, you may explode on them for all the reasons why you believe they are incapable. 

When we lack the ability to communicate true feelings, we start fires. They wear both you and your partner out. Eventually leaving you with no energy to even try to rebuttal. 

It’s much easier to identify the feeling or emotion and learn how to properly communicate it. This can be difficult and can take practice. A sense of pride may come up for you in choosing communication over fighting. It can be hard to silence the negative thoughts in our mind.

Marriage counseling near Thousand Oaks, Ca, provides you the tools to properly communicate with your partner to avoid conflict.

Lack of respect for each other

Similar to miscommunication, we may see a lack of respect play out in everyday lives. We may start to believe (granted there’s no reason to) that our partner is cheating on you. This plays into miscommunication.

If you’re feeling insecure, and choose not to show vulnerability, it’s likely that you will show anger. Anxiety can show itself in a variety of ways. Rather than expressing these hard emotions, they may lash out.

A lack of respect is having a disregard for your emotions. They don’t mind if they hurt you or not. They don’t respect you enough to hold their tongue from being mean or spiteful. 

You or your partner may stop putting effort into deep conversations. Maybe there’s dismissal or shutting down going on. “Yeah, yeah, I know, can you stop talking about it” kind of conversations. They simply don’t care to hear out your concerns or issues. 

Empty promises for changed behavior

We’ve all heard “I’m sorry, I promise I won’t do it again”. And then, they go and do it again. 

It creates a division and a lack of trust. They may say “I won’t do that anymore”, yet return to that behavior when arguments arise. 

Consider the exterior factors that contribute to the relationship. Do they have a substance abuse problem? Are they truly put in the work to change? Is there a history of being inappropriate with other people?

Watch for signs of a toxic relationship. Learn how to install boundaries to avoid a relationship becoming toxic.

Regardless, your partner is doing something that you don’t like and they’re not doing anything about it. They keep telling you empty promises that things will change. Yet they don’t go and put effort in to change them.

Sometimes, we are unaware of how we can work on ourselves and change. That’s okay to be unsure of how to cope and self regulate. These skill sets are not innate and take practice to acquire. 

It’s courageous to ask for help and show up together. The both of you can make true, real change in each other’s lives.

Couples counselor near Westlake Village, Ca, provides both you and your partner with the skill set needed to reduce and manage conflict.

Lack of intimacy

You may experience feelings of being fed up or frustrated with each other. Every little thing you do annoys them. Every little thing they do irritates you. Maybe they chewed their food too loud, and you feel the need to shame them for it. 

It can be annoying to always feel anxious around them. This can look like rolling eyes at the slightest of words. Being in their presence is overwhelming and annoys you. You can’t stand physical touch and don’t want intimacy.

Sex may be difficult with you and your partner as well. It can feel uncomfortable and undesirable. This is something that can also be explored in couples counseling.

At the end of the day, you may already know you and your partner could both benefit from couples counseling.

Get started with one of our therapists at Simi Psychological Group, today. Learn more about how you and your partner can get the most out of couples counseling.

Now Offering Online Therapy in Los Angeles and Online Counseling Ventura County 
At our therapy practice in Simi Valley, Ca we offer Child therapy and family counseling, Teen therapy, Anxiety Treatment, Depression Therapy, Marriage Counseling, and Neuropsychological Testing.