What to Do When You Feel Jealous in a Relationship

Recently, something happened in your relationship that made you jealous. It’s that negative, heavy feeling take over your mind and soul. You feel nothing but irritation and inner-rage. You may be wondering, what do I do when I feel jealous in my relationship?

If you struggled with jealousy in your past relationships, it makes sense that you are sensitive to certain events in new ones. You may have been betrayed or felt belittled. Jealousy is defined as thoughts or feelings of insecurity, fear, and concern. 

couple hitting rough patch and needing couple therapy in Thousand Oaks, ca, 91320

You may feel jealous if your partner expresses interest over their new work friend. You may feel jealous over seeing texts, phone calls, or emails. Even just suspecting something to be going on can lead to jealousy, even if your partner is loyal. 

It’s important to install clear boundaries to avoid toxic relationships from the beginning. If no boundaries are in place, room for frustration and misunderstandings come into play. You want to be sure that both you and your partner clearly communicate your needs to each other.

Proper communication will lay the groundwork for how you both are feeling in the moment. There won’t be any surprises, and topics such as jealousy can be more easily conquered together.

At the end of the day, it’s fairly normal to feel jealous with your partner. If you didn’t feel jealous, you probably do not desire them as much as you think you do.  Consider starting therapy to gain a new perspective on why jealousy comes up for you. You can do independent anxiety therapy. Or, if your partner is open to learning and understanding you further, consider couples counseling.

Lay your insecurities out on the table

Have a true, thorough evaluation with yourself. What are some parts of yourself that just flat out make you insecure? Is there anything you could change about yourself, such as getting a new haircut? Maybe you could go for a shopping trip to get a few outfits you feel confident in.

couple very happy together after couples counseling in Thousand Oaks, ca, 91360

It can be hard to accept our insecurities. It’s important that you practice self-approval on a regular basis. This can look like having mantras for yourself, such as, “I am beautiful inside and out” or “I accept myself for who I am”. 

Challenge the negative thoughts about yourself, and learn how to stop your negative self-talk. This can look like confronting a thought such as “Ugh, I am so fat, oddly shaped, and gross”. It doesn’t do you any good to continue to hate on yourself!

Stand up for yourself. Don’t believe these negative thoughts and counter them. This can look like rewriting your script to respond with, “I don’t need to talk about myself like this”. You have the power to change how you perceive yourself. 

Insecurities don’t even have to relate to physical appearance, but maybe if you are more on the quiet and calm side. You may feel jealous if your partner is conversing with someone who is loud and appears to be a comedian (sarcasm).

Everyone has insecurities and struggles to accept and understand them. It won’t be an overnight process, but you can make big changes in a small amount of time. 

You don’t have to face your inner demons alone. Consider online anxiety therapy in Thousand Oaks, Ca. 

Knowing yourself is key to understanding yourself. Practice self love. Remind yourself that you deserve to be loved and feel loved for who you are. Take some time to work on yourself and discover new things.

Have an open and honest conversation with your partner

couple feeling confident after being vulnerable in couples therapy in Simi Valley, ca, 93065

It’s time to further examine what truly made you jealous about the event. Could it be that your partner mysteriously followed someone new on social media, who you find to be more attractive than yourself? 

Maybe a random stranger confronted your partner to give a compliment, and you felt jealous at their interaction. Whatever may have happened, the relationship needs to be evaluated.

Are you happy with this person? Do you trust that they will do the right thing in your relationship? If you answer no, you probably should not be in a relationship with this person, anyway. However, if you do feel that they are genuine and usually don’t have reason to make you jealous, it’s good to work together to find a solution. 

Like discussed before, lay your insecurities out on the table. Let your partner know what exactly made you insecure. Do this in a manner where you are not blaming or insinuating an argument to occur. You want to communicate what made you jealous, and not what your partner did wrong. 

A statement to express concern can look like this: “I honestly just felt insecure and jealous after you ______. It made me feel _____ and I would like to talk about it. I want you to understand my perspective as well as hear yours on this.”

Couples counseling in Simi Valley, Ca, will help mediate difficult conversations such as these, so both you and your partner feel heard.

Make peace with yourself

Understand that you will feel jealous and upset about some things. Knowing yourself and your reactions is key to preventing any disrupt in your relationship.

It is actually pretty normal to feel this way in your relationship. In fact, if you didn’t, you may not care for the relationship as much as you think. Small arguments and moments of stress are normal, and how you and your partner handle them matter.

However, once you assess your insecurities and how that plays into your jealousy, it’s time to continue practicing on catching yourself in the moment. If you know there is no true concern to your relationship, such as betrayal or cheating, you may know in the back of your mind that it’s unreasonable to get jealous.

After having a strong conversation with your partner on the power of reassurance and checking in on a regular basis, you should feel more confident about yourself in moments that may draw jealousy.

couple feeling happy and confident after she had anxiety therapy for jealousy in Simi Valley, ca, 93063

Practice self care on a regular basis to ensure that you are taking care of your mental health. This looks like practicing self love, taking time to yourself, or scheduling time spent with loved family or friends. 

Just make sure to practice catching yourself when you are feeling overwhelmed with jealousy. Evaluate if you really should be jealous, and connect with your partner about next steps that can be taken.

Anxiety therapy in Simi Valley, Ca, can provide you with the tools to regulate yourself in moments of stress.

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At our therapy practice in Simi Valley, Ca we offer Child therapy and family counseling, Teen therapy, Anxiety Treatment, Depression Therapy, Marriage Counseling, and Neuropsychological Testing.