Are you wondering what are some things that many women need to enjoy sex? Like, really enjoy sex! If you are wondering how to increase your excitement, this article is for you.
You’re wanting to know how you can make it an experience, and not a process. For instance, you find yourself feeling unhappy during sex sometimes. Maybe you are not even having sex for yourself.
Ask yourself if you’re going into sex to please yourself or your partner. If you are looking to please the both of you, that’s great. However, if you’re going into sex only to please your partner, it would be good to re-evaluate your needs and desires to see how they can also be met.
Sex can sort of feel like a taboo subject, and maybe even be a little embarrassing. You may not want to explore some areas of sex, such as sexuality, masturbation, how to feel sexy, and more. However, sex isn’t all about the actions of it.
What’s also included in sex? Vulnerability, communication, understanding, and intimacy. It takes really exploring what makes you feel good and how you can make yourself feel good.
It’s important to also ensure that you are enjoying sex with someone in a consensual manner who respects your boundaries. Please consider reaching out to the National Sexual Assault Hotline if you are a victim of sexual assault 1-800-656-4673.
If you are feeling a lack of intimacy or excitement in your sex life, consider reaching out to one of our therapists in Simi Valley, Ca, where we will be able to help you understand yourself.
What many women need to enjoy sex: Understanding your own likes and dislikes
It’s important that you know what you like and dislike. This information will lead you to having a better understanding of your body and sexuality. Although you can explore this with a partner, it may be best to explore this independently!
To begin this exploration, let’s examine some basics. Are there certain areas of your body that you like to have touched? This can look like your nipples or stomach. Maybe these certain areas of the body, you want more attention for.
Are there certain areas of the body that you do not like to have touched? This can look like being slapped on your butt, being touched on your feet, or other. Maybe these certain areas are off limits for you, and do not contribute to your pleasure.
Consider looking into sex toys or going into a sex shop with your partner (or independently). What stands out to you? What stimulation are you looking to get? You can look into different types of dildos, which have bumps or different morphology for pleasure. Maybe you want something that vibrates, such as a large handheld vibrator or something small. Don’t be shy when you are shopping around, and consider asking opinions from the individual at the shop!
On Amazon, there is also a variety of sex toys that you can view real views from real buyers. Although I’m not sure on their return policy for sex toys, consider trying out a few to see how they feel for you.
Porn is also a good option for wanting to know your likes or dislikes. What makes you feel excited, watching gay, lesbian, or straight porn? Are there certain focuses in videos that you like? Maybe you want to watch porn that has less blowjobs or penis stimulation and more stimulation of the boobs or clit.
In anxiety therapy in Simi Valley, Ca, we can address your hesitance and insecurity that comes to exploring sex through these outlets.
WHAT MANY WOMEN NEED TO ENJOY SEX: Allowing for vulnerability in sex
Although porn is a great way to explore your likes and dislikes, it’s also important to understand how staged it can be. Porn is set up to tailor to your desires, and only that. It is moreso a fantasy than real life. Of course, you can enjoy the content and create it in real life.
It’s important to remember that these are professionals and are creating content without room for things that may appear embarrassing. In fact, porn can have lots of scene cuts and take bits out that may not give off the perfect fantasy appearance.
In sex, you need to let loose a bit. You need to be comfortable knowing that you may queef or fart when you are in the middle of doing it. You may get sweaty and out of breath. Maybe requiring a break for water. You may laugh or smile. Be confused, and want to stop for a moment.
It’s okay to be unsure and hesitant during sex. It’s okay to ask to stop for a moment for you to collect your thoughts. Make sure to not compare yourself to the performance of sex workers in videos. You may create an unrealistic perception of how sex should go.
In reality, sex should be comfortable, exciting, and fun. Leave all the pressure and expectations behind.
WHAT MANY WOMEN NEED TO ENJOY SEX: Ability to be present
During sex, it’s important to be in tune with yourself and be present in the moment. Keep track of what’s feeling right for you and maybe some things that aren’t feeling too good. This can look like getting in a sex position and it suddenly hurting.
Practice mindfulness and stay in communication with yourself or with your partner. If you feel yourself zoning out or not paying attention, consider taking a break.
What exactly does it mean to be present, you may ask? Of course, you are present there, in the moment. But are you feeling good about it? Are you thinking about the next moves you want to take, or how you want to continue engaging in sex?
Think about what stimulation you are still desiring or maybe want. It’s important to please yourself and communicate what you are wanting to allow for enjoying it!
What many women need to enjoy sex: Date nights for intimacy
In order to increase your excitement and intimacy, consider planning consistent date nights with your partner. This can look like having a monthly or bi-monthly date out at your favorite spot. And, it doesn’t have to be expensive or boujee – it can be at your local, delicious taco stand.
Take this time to really hear each other and tune into each other. What’s been going on with each other this week? What are some stressors that have come up for you, and maybe been lingering around? It’s important to address these things as they may bug you throughout the day.
What else do you or you and your partner like to do together? Maybe it’s nice to be intimate starting off by cuddling together watching a movie. Intimacy can come in many forms and it is not always sexual. Intimacy can look like giving each other much needed shoulder rubs or sitting across from each other giving hugs.
By fostering that love and care you have for yourself, or you and your partner have together, you are able to feel more comfortable in sex and excited to engage!
During this time of COVID, it may be hard to find good date nights, however check out these suggestions for ways you can spend quality time together.
Sex therapy in Thousand Oaks, Ca, can help guide you to work with your partner on how to better meet your needs.
WHAT MANY WOMEN NEED TO ENJOY SEX: Communicating your needs and desires
Once we have come to the conclusion on what turns you on and excites you, it’s time to incorporate this into your sex life.
Communicating your needs and desires may feel uncomfortable, maybe even selfish. But, you have to be firm in knowing that they are your needs and desires. If your partner is pressuring you into something else, or making you feel like your requests are too much, it’s time to re-evaluate and communicate.
Consider speaking with a therapist independently or with your partner to address some deeper issues going on. Outside of sex, there may be lingering things within your relationship, areas outside of your relationship, and more.
It’s important that we address ways you can enjoy sex for you, and not enjoy sex for others. Sex is all about being vulnerable, comfortable, and confident in your skin. Our therapists in Ventura County, Ca, can support you in that!
About Simi Psychological Group
At our therapy practice in Simi Valley, Ca we offer Child therapy and family counseling, Teen therapy, Anxiety Treatment, Depression Therapy, Marriage Counseling, and Neuropsychological Testing. Now Offering Online Therapy in Los Angeles and Online Counseling Ventura County
Dr. Novak is the group practice owner and licensed psychologist at Simi Psychological Group a therapy practice in Simi Valley, California. Simi Psychological Group offers a variety of services including trauma therapy, couples therapy, anxiety therapy, teen therapy, and more. Simi Psychological Group emphasizes the importance of creating real change by making sure to get to the root of your struggles.
