You’re here because you’re searching for signs it’s time to break up. Perhaps your relationship hasn’t been working out as great for a few reasons. But you don’t want to let go just yet. You know you and your partner have a lot of love for each other, and don’t want to call it quits just yet.
Let me tell you – relationships are hard. No one said love was easy. Of course, during honeymoon phases, we feel on top of the world with each other. But when we start to get more comfortable with one another, we begin to show our true colors. Sometimes, that can look like getting comfortable being more argumentative, confrontational, or being less interested in putting effort into the relationship.
Relationships are a team effort, a two way street. When we have expectations for each other, we are to do our best to meet them. Everyone has different attachment dynamics and dating history that plays into how they behave in new relationships. It’s important to establish boundaries, review expectations, and remain communicative at the very beginning of the relationship. Otherwise, it can lead to disappointment and confusion.
Break ups are not pleasant. They are hurtful, as you have likely dedicated a lot of time and energy into someone. You may have had long term goals or plans with each other, feeling like this relationship was the one. You may feel lost without them, or scared at living life without them!
But – you are here, because you’re having doubts in the integrity of your relationship. You feel like it may be mentally draining. Your needs are not being met, or you aren’t able to meet your partner’s needs. Maybe, things took a turn for the worse, and abusive behaviors are becoming more normalized. Whatever the cause may be, you’re seeking validation that it may be time to part ways.
Click here to read “3 Major Red Flags in a Relationship”
Couples counseling in Simi Valley, Ca, can help you and your partner identify areas in which you can personally grow.
3 Signs It’s Time to Break Up: Someone’s needs are not being met
Whether it be you or your partner, one of your needs is not being met. In the beginning, when things were fresh and new, it’s possible that you treated each other better. You may have also been happier together and more excited to be with each other.
However now, things have changed and gotten more relaxed between the two of you. Maybe you are no longer as consistent to update your partner throughout the day with texts or phone calls. Perhaps there is a lack of communication going on as well, and that’s important to you!
You have expectations for your partner that you want them to meet. They are not unrealistic, but do-able and would show that they love and care about you enough to follow through. It could be that you want more transparency in communication about feelings. But it seems that they continue to be petty or passive aggressive rather than straight up.
Whatever it may be, you know your needs and how you want them met. Relationships are a two-way street, and you both need to be putting in the same amount of effort to be there for each other to enhance and maintain the relationship.
You’ll also recognize if expectations are out of pocket or toxic, and that need just cannot be met in general. It’s unhealthy to have unrealistic expectations for someone. If someone is pressuring you to meet unrealistic needs of there’s, it may be a sign this won’t work out. An example would be making you responsible to meet their needs to calm them down when they are mad, compared to them being able to self soothe or regulate their emotions on their own.
3 Signs It’s Time to Break Up: You’re just not as happy anymore
Maybe you are just feeling burnt out from the relationship. You don’t feel as happy or excited as you used to with this person. Now, all relationships can bounce back and regenerate that same excitement, intimacy, and joy you felt in the beginning. However, if you have been feeling this way for a long time, it’s a telltale sign.
After you and your partner have tried to address certain issues, communicate things to each other, and try out different activities to no avail, you still don’t feel happy. Maybe you don’t envision a future with them anymore or don’t want to continue a relationship with them.
It could be that you have outgrown each other. This is common in life, as we start to branch off into our own personal interests and goals for ourselves. You may perceive each other as roommates, or someone similar to an annoying sibling. Regardless, you just don’t view them as your romantic lover anymore.
Perhaps you two would be better off as friends at this point. Your love is clearly fading for each other, but you still maintain that respect and care. You recognize that you two may be better off parting ways, and venturing off into new parts of your life without them.
3 Signs It’s Time to Break Up: There’s a lot of resentment between you and your partner
Maybe there is a lot of resentment built up between you and your partner. This could have come from past problems, disagreements, and more. Maybe you or your partner were betrayed in other ways than loyalty, but in trust that you will be there for each other. Perhaps trust has been broken multiple times and there’s really no coming back from it.
Grudges are being held against each other, and it’s difficult to treat each other with kindness and respect. Now, you just want to be bitter or petty, and make them feel bad about themselves.
If this resentment feels like it cannot be truly resolved, it’s time to consider separating yourself. Not only will holding onto grudges and resentment hurt your partner, but they will also hurt you. Letting go of your partner gives you time and space to process and work on the pain you feel.
It’s important to be able to give yourself that time and space to heal from the resentment you hold. It could be that in the past, they were caught being inappropriate with someone and that truly hurt you. Maybe they betrayed you one way or another, and it truly disappointed you and left you feeling stuck.
Whatever the situation may be, it stings and hurts. You don’t feel like it’s something you will be able to forgive and move on from, because it truly puts a wrench in your relationship. You have the power to develop the awareness to recognize what you will tolerate and what you will not tolerate.
In the end, it may be best to seek out support with a couples therapist. They’re able to provide you and your partner with a safe space to talk about relationship concerns, issues you have with each other, and make you both feel supported and safe.