Relationships can be difficult to navigate at times. Once you get past the honeymoon phase, you and your partner are beginning to see each other’s true colors. In the honeymoon phase of your relationship, things probably felt like sunshine and rainbows.
You wondered how things felt so good and so right. It’s usually because in the beginning, you don’t always feel comfortable showing your feelings or true colors. It’s easier and more exciting to remain cool, calm and collected during the first few months.
Some couples do just fine after the honeymoon phase. They continue to show that same love and respect for each other; but oftentimes, red flags will begin to appear more clearly. Red flags can be hard to notice at first, and maybe get brushed off a few times.
It’s important to be able to understand red flags in a relationship. It can determine the course of your relationship. Red flags in relationships are telltale signs of a relationship going downhill. If your partner shows any of these red flags, it may be time to reconsider and reevaluate your relationship. And if it’s beneficial to you.
Couples counseling in Simi Valley, Ca, helps you and your partner learn to communicate in a positive, healthy way. Click here to read about when to start couples counseling.
3 Major Red Flags in a Relationship: Love bombing
While we all love receiving compliments and praise, being love bombed can leave us feeling overwhelmed. The term love bombing relates to the action of someone literally showering you in love, whether it be through texts, voicemails, emails, gifts, food, or money – and rushes into some intense, serious emotions.
This could look like very soon into dating, your partner expressing their undying love for you. Showering you with every compliment imaginable,or gifting you some flashy presents. Although showing love and appreciation is normal, you will know if it feels too much or too extra.
This act is meant to make you feel safe, secure, and realize that someone is giving you all of this attention and love. Although it’s not quite genuine. It often happens very early in the start of your relationship.
However, it can oftentimes lead to the love bomber beginning to overstep boundaries, create irrational expectations for you, and become very needy. They may hold the love bombing against you to guilt you in order to demand your attention.
Maybe there are talks about starting a family, having children, getting married, or whatever else sounds like a fairytale to you. Some signs of love bombing include:
- Constant compliments, oftentimes over the top such as “I’ve never met anyone as perfect as you are” or “I want to spend the rest of my life with you”.
- Talk about being exclusive forever and being the perfect soulmate, convincing you that you will never need anyone else again, and to always only depend on them.
- Wanting commitment and exclusivity quickly, bringing up ideas of marriage very early into your dating.
- Getting annoyed at your boundaries. For example, if you set up a boundary to have Sunday with your family, they may go into a rabbit hole explaining their undying love for you, and why you need to see them over family.
- They are very needy, needing to be in contact with you throughout the day, or are overwhelming you with their neediness for intimacy.
Regardless of what exact sign you are experiencing, you know that you don’t even know this person well enough to feel the same way. You don’t know them well enough to envision them as the perfect person or your soulmate.
Anxiety counseling near Simi Valley, Ca, can help provide you the support to establish and maintain strong boundaries.
3 Major Red Flags in a Relationship: Manipulation
Manipulation is all about being able to control you, your thoughts, your actions, and your life. A partner wanting to have a say in what you do or say can be very detrimental to your own mental health. A common way that people manipulate each other is through guilt.
Installing boundaries are crucial to maintaining your well-being and noting your expectations, as well as your partner’s expectations. Boundaries can look like not wanting to be on the phone with them past 11pm or wanting to reserve some weekdays for your own personal downtime/social life, for example.
If your partner struggles to accept your boundaries, that is already a red flag in itself. With no respect or regard for your needs, your partner is likely to try to override them with their own “needs”, such as sexual intimacy, wanting to see you, or talk to you when you aren’t wanting to.
They may attempt to manipulate you into believing that your boundaries are unfair or restrictive to them. If you prefer for them to not come to a family gathering, for example, they may try to twist the context. Leaving you to believe that you are some horrible, unlovable person who is trying to keep them out of things.
Of course, you are wanting to make them feel included in the beginning, so you may begin to give into their manipulation and address their “concerns” to the best of your ability. When they notice you are giving into their manipulation, they will continue to feed off that.
Toxic people only have their own needs and desires in mind, and do not consider yours.
Being able to identify signs of manipulation can be tricky, because it’s not always evident when someone is trying to manipulate you. With the goal being controlling you, it’s important to look out for this red flag. Here are some example of manipulation:
- They use gaslighting, including phrases such as “I never said that.” “You must be hearing things.” “You sound crazy right now, that never happened!”
- Bullying you by belittling your intellectual ability, “I know this might be hard for you to understand, let me walk you through it.” or “I didn’t think you could be this stupid”.
- Making inappropriate comments or rude jokes, then blaming you for getting upset by saying, “Wow, it was just a joke..”
3 Major Red Flags in a Relationship: All talk, no actions
It’s important that when we say something, we mean it, and we follow through. We want to be able to depend on someone, and trust in their word to us. A major red flag in a relationship is saying one thing, but not actually following through on it.
This can look like your partner fluffing something up with wording, making it seem that they are so dedicated to change! This could look like promising that they would work on their bad temper, where they tend to call you names or show anger/aggression towards you. However, nothing ever really seems to change; if anything, their temper worsens over time.
Maybe they had been messaging someone else inappropriately, and got caught red handed. They beg for your forgiveness, promise you it will never happen again…and it happens again.
Bottomline, they just don’t seem to want to put any effort into growing as a person. It seems that time and time again, they present you with the same, ingenuine apology. Possibly, they are invalidating your feelings or desire to see change. Making it feel like it’s your fault you perceive them that way, and they are unable to change or grow.
Although this blog contains only 3 red flags, there are still more signs to look out for. Be sure to always protect your energy and your mental health first. Understand what you truly deserve and don’t allow a toxic relationship to crush your spirit.
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