How to Forgive A Loved One Who Hurt You

You are wanting to forgive a loved one who hurt you. Forgiving someone feels necessary in order for you to have peace of mind and a cleared conscience. It may not always feel fair, especially after they have hurt you. Our loved ones are those we trust yet sometimes they can hurt us. It can feel odd and foreign, and you are left to deal with the aftermath of emotions.

You love them, but what they did was not good. They hurt your feelings, they betrayed you, or caused something bad to happen. Maybe they lied to you, unbeknownst to them that you already knew the truth. They could’ve said something hurtful out of spite, not understanding the consequences it would have for both of you. 

Your experience is being hurt was painful, and you feel that even though they apologized, they still don’t understand the scope of their action. They don’t understand this newfound burden that you are forced to carry. They may want you to move on quickly or forget it, but it is truly up to you how you want to exercise your boundaries in this moment. 

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Consider reading about how clear boundaries help avoid toxic relationships to understand the necessity of creating them and exercising them. By doing this, it will avoid space for toxicity, improve your communication, and release the shame/blame conversation.

After an argument, you may also want to know steps to reconnect with each other.

It is reasonable and valid for you to feel discouraged, resentment, frustration or anger build up inside of you. Just the thought of what happened slowly consumes your mind, turning everything dark and negative again just when you thought you had moved on. 

However if you continue to let these thoughts and negative feelings ruminate inside of you, you will never know peace. There are actions that can be taken to forgive someone who hurt you, especially for a loved one with whom you want to continue to have in your life. 

In couples therapy in Simi Valley, Ca our therapists are experienced in helping couples communicate better, share their feelings and thoughts in a healthy manner, and allowing both partners to feel heard and validated.

Analyze if you want to keep this relationship

Has this event been detrimental to your relationship with your loved one? It may have built up to the point where you are no longer interested in keeping them around in your life. After this incident, you have lost hope in the relationship, feel too haunted by their action to include them in your life anymore, and simply just want to move on. 

Maybe it was your significant other or close family member who hurt you. You have a deep connection with them that you truly don’t want to break, but you want to let them know that they have hurt your spirit. 

Although no one is perfect and we all make mistakes, it’s okay to put a limit on how many mistakes someone can make. You don’t want to keep excusing damaging behavior, as it will only continue and not get any better with time. There is a high chance it will only increase in severity as it continues to be excused. 

Weigh the risk factors with keeping this loved one in your life. What are the chances I will be hurt again? How much do I believe them that they are sorry? Would I have the emotional strength to endure this again? A very important question to ask yourself is what value does  this person bring to my life? 

man sitting on stairs with head on his palm

How to Forgive A Loved One Who Hurt You: Move on

It may be time to move on from this individual or just the event itself. Although you may love and care for them, you do not need to subject yourself to continue to endure behaviors or feel hurt from them. It is not selfish to decide to end the relationship for the meanwhile – or forever. Remember, you need to protect your own mental wellbeing. Even if this individual did not mean to intentionally hurt you, it’s important to install boundaries for yourself or else you will be mentally drained.  

You may also decide to allow yourself to move on from the event itself. This can be done by talking yourself through it. Holding onto the situation itself may not be adding value to your life. What can you learn from it? Are you able to let go of something? What personal work can you do to move forward in a way that will be helpful to you? 

You are really asking yourself how does one forgive a loved one who hurt you. Make sure you are allowing your mind to clear up enough so that you can develop some true clarity to answer this question. This is often times done from doing some true self care! Whether its a good walk, bath, or talk with a trusted friend make sure to take care of you.

Think of your pain as a way to better understand yourself

What parts of yourself became more apparent to you? Do certain insecurities make themselves more known, like aspects of your appearance or personality? You can use this pain to highlight your strengths as well as provide constructive criticism to yourself. 

man holding his head with clouds on his head

Our therapists in Simi Valley, Ca help you better understand yourself and the pain you are experiencing. We believe that it is through pain we experience growth. We just need to know to look within ourselves and ask ourselves meaningful questions. Through the questions we get answers and through the answers we can learn to live life differently. 

How to forive a loved one who hurt you: Let go of resentment

To release resentment towards this person, you can take these steps:

Acknowledge your resentment.

Acknowledge its presence, that it truly exists and is directly towards your loved one. Be honest and open with yourself that you do have resentment, and it is understandable. 

Identify where you have control in this situation. What role might you have in fostering this resentment? Are you still untrustworthy of your loved one, or still feel angry and upset? 

Take action.

What can you do to change this feeling? Would you need to see progress from your loved one indicating that it won’t happen again, do you need to remove them from your life, or do you need to consider why they may have hurt you? 

Release what you don’t have power over.

You don’t have power over the fact that they hurt you. Nor do you don’t have the power to reverse time and go back to the point where they unintentionally/ intentionally decided to hurt you. 

Although you may like to, you are unable to change someone or their behavior. You can however make requests for them to fix what is done to you.

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Practice gratitude on a regular basis, even when you are feeling hurt. Being grateful is a good remedy for dissolving resentment, as you realize there are lots to be grateful for.

Couples therapy in Simi Valley, Ca can help you and your partner analyze the situation in a healthy and positive way to support active communication and resolutions.

Feeling anxious about whether or not you want this person in your life? Reach out to us at Simi Psychological Group for online anxiety therapy or online depression therapy. We are here to support you!

Now Offering Online Therapy in Los Angeles and Online Counseling Ventura County 

At our therapy practice in Simi Valley, Ca we offer Child therapy and family counseling, Teen therapy, Anxiety Treatment, Depression Therapy, Marriage Counseling, and Neuropsychological Testing