How Do I Deal With Mom Guilt During Covid19?

Dealing with mom guilt during Covid19 is beyond words upsetting. As a mom, I am asking myself “how long will my kids be at home?” Kids are meant to play with other kids. Social distancing and children really don’t mesh well together. They are bored. And tired of this. As moms all we want is for our kids to be happy. To play with their friends. To enjoy their summer. And to stop asking when they can do all the things they love! 

Unfortunately, being a mom during Covid 19 comes with many feelings of guilt for our children. It’s inevitable to worry for them. To be concerned about their happiness. Thinking about how they are making sense of all that is happening now. What will they think about when they look back at the coronavirus time period? 

We know how many beautiful moments are coming out of this with our children. The extra time together. The creativity that came about as we needed to become their worlds for a bit. But we can’t help worrying about what they will think about with seeing how different the world is. When they do go for walks everyone is wearing a mask. And people are acting differently! It’s just a strange time and children feel this strangeness. 

mom and daughter walking on the road

Perhaps your mom guilt during Covid 19 looks like this: 

You wake up in the morning knowing that you have a full day ahead of you. There is some much needed work to do. You also know that the house is pretty messy and dishes need to get done. Your kids are asking you to play hide and seek, do a puzzle, or watch their favorite movie with them. You feel a lot of pressure to be there with them but that list of things are there. You also know they have some homework to do or something you want to teach them for the day. Where do you start? 

If you decide to focus your energy on something other than your kids (because the reality is that you do have work to do!) in the back of your mind you know they are bored. You know they want you. They are missing their friends. And its hard to keep focused on one area knowing that your kids want and need you. And also its hard to focus on other things. So your time and mind end up going in all different directions. You feel guilty as a mom during Covid19 and you don’t know what to do. 

Eventually you wind up in a place of overload and maybe even feelings of defeat. But the truth is a lot of moms are struggling with the same feelings right now. It’s OK to give yourself permission for this time to go imperfectly. In fact, very imperfectly. 

It’s true that feelings of mom guilt during the Coronavirus is upsetting and overwhelming. However, if we can learn to allow ourselves the space to live imperfectly we can do so much much more justice for ourselves and our kids. When we learn how to provide internal resources and strength to deal with mom guilt during Covid19 we will be able to feel a sense of freedom and peace. This will ultimately be the best for our kids and our sanity. It is entirely possible to feel empowered and a strong good mom during this time. 

Keep reading to learn how to reduce mom guilt during Covid19 and feel empowered and at peace again. 

What will happen if you don’t change your mindset and actions to reduce mom guilt during Covid 19

The biggest downside of not overcoming all this mom guilt is it ends up taking power of your day and relationships. The biggest thing you don’t want to happen is to have your kids feel more disconnected, frustrated, or alone. But the concern is when we are focused on doing things perfectly or giving more to our kids than we have we ultimately feel the aftereffects. As a result this will in turn impact our children in ways we don’t want. At the very least, we are setting ourselves up for less success rather than more which is what we want. 

woman with the glasses getting kissed by her child

What will happen if you do change your mindset and actions to reduce mom guilt during Coronavirus

Although you do struggle with guilt, overwhelm, and feelings of defeat you have the potential to feel much more empowered as a mom and at peace during this time. When we choose to change our mindset and actions accordingly, it brings about new possibilities to connect deeper, love on them more, and be proud of ourselves in the process. 

Although you do struggle with guilt, overwhelm, and feelings of defeat you have the potential to feel much more empowered as a mom and at peace during this time. When we choose to change our mindset and actions accordingly, it brings about new possibilities to connect deeper, love on them more, and be proud of ourselves in the process. 

How to achieve mom empowerment and peace of mind by reducing mom guilt during Covid19

One of the reasons you struggle with mom guilt is likely due to the way you are talking to yourself about the expectations or what you should be doing. Don’t get me wrong it makes sense that we are experiencing mom guilt during this time. But the reality is it doesn’t have to stay this way if we start implementing intentional steps to make changes in our lives. 

Step One: Practice self talk affirmations that welcome imperfection

Help yourself truly understand the benefit and the gifts of imperfection. In general, it is a true gift to welcome imperfection into your life. You are teaching yourself the real and truest form of acceptance and self love. Have a few self talk affirmations to say to yourself. These can look like “I know this time is going to not be perfect” and “I allow for different expectations of myself as a mom and my kids during this time.” These affirmations are ones that you can repeat to yourself in moments of mom guilt. 

At our Simi Valley Therapy Practice, our team of therapists and psychologists work with you on welcoming imperfection into your life. We know the true value of giving yourself the space to have flexibility in your life. This will allow you the opportunity to connect more with your kids and feel a much higher sense of internal peace. 

When you practice self talk affirmations that welcome imperfection you are sending a message to yourself and the world that you have control. You have control over your own mindset and ability to calm yourself down when mom guilt during coronavirus takes over. 

mom with 2 kids sitting in the park

Step Two: Write down the things you are doing right! This will help with mom guilt during Covid19

All too often our minds focus on all the gaps we perceive to be missing. All the things we need to fix or improve. Basically all the things that can bring about guilt and overwhelm. Do you allow your mind to focus on all the things you are doing right? And if you do, how long do you allow for that focus? Make it an intention to write down daily all the things you are doing right. Then repeat it to yourself. And repeat. And then maybe repeat again. Let this get ingrained into your DNA! 

In online therapy we work with our clients on making an intention to ask themselves what is going well. We do this to alter our mindset and focus on our perceived gaps and what is going wrong that is so commonly focused upon. Our team of therapists in Simi Valley are eager to help our clients become their own navigators in their lives. In order to do so we need to be kind and allow space for all that is going well. This doesn’t happen overnight rather is a consistent practice that happens over time. 

When you start focusing on all the things you are doing right, you are giving yourself the space to feel proud and content. This allows you to have more room and drive to do more of what aligns with your values. When able to acknowledge when you are able to calm frustration and speak with patience with your kids that moment of acknowledgment will feel good. When we feel good about yourselves in this way it drives us to want more of it because ultimately we are recognizing when we DO engage in ways that align with our values.  

Step Three: Recognize the true resilience that your kids have. 

Kids have the capacity to have a lot of resilience especially when we foster it. Resilience is one of the most valuable characteristics to have. It’s the ability to recover and persevere through a difficult time. When you know that you have this ability in yourself then you live in such a way that fosters this same type of thinking in your child. So when you are able to acknowledge when things are going right, allow for imperfectionism, and truly take in your ability to recover quickly then your children will learn through example. You will also be speaking to them in such a way that encourages them to see they have these abilities too. 

At Simi Psychological Group, we work with our clients to connect to their resiliency. We help them develop the internal beliefs and messages that will foster this same type of resilience with the people they love. In online therapy we help our clients identify the negative thought patterns that happen and recognize ways to change this cycle. When doing so they are creating greater internal strength to appreciate their abilities including ability to recover. 

When you make it an intention to recognize your resilience and your child’s resilience you will be able to truly ease mom guilt during Covid19. By catching your automatic thoughts that are unhelpful, realigning these thoughts, and encouraging yourself you are setting yourself up for true success during this time.    

Step Four: Get the help your family needs during this time.  

Sometimes the most helpful thing to do is to reach out for a helping hand. Someone that can help you identify what’s not working and help direct you to a clearer more productive path. We often get stuck in our own ways of thinking and family dynamics are often hard to interrupt. Some of the most helpful steps I have taken were to reach out for help when I needed. When you get the help your family needs you are sending a message to yourself that you will figure things out. That you will figure out a different way of doing and being so that you don’t feel so guilty and overwhelmed. 

In therapy, our team of therapists and psychologists are here to help you in this process. We understand how difficult this time is and we want to support you. We work with moms to ease their worries for their kids and the future with all the unknowns happening now. By helping you rework the mindset that is limiting you now and help you build your own personal toolbox so you feel more in control. We could all use a bit more of that now! 

Written by,

Donna Novak, Psy.D

I’m a licensed clinical psychologist who empowers people to work through the roadblocks that are holding them back and find meaning and purpose in their lives.

I specialize in working with anxiety and in helping teens and their families, adults, and couples better their relationships and find direction. Rather than shy away from the tough stuff in life, I prefer to face it head-on, together. I believe that challenges are part of being human and that everyone has the potential to become their own life’s navigator. So they never have to feel out of control or at the mercy of their circumstances. Learn more. 

Therapy services offered at Simi Psychological Group 

Now Offering Online Therapy in Los Angeles and Online Counseling Ventura County 

At our mental health therapy practice, we offer Child therapy and family counseling, Teen therapy, Anxiety Treatment, Depression Therapy, Marriage Counseling, and Neuropsychological Testing